So, before I start getting really crazy, mad and insane I went to the kitchen, picked up one huge container of Swedish pistachio ice cream and decided not to try watching the Punk video for another time. Because due to HORRIBLE internet connection once again I have seen the first two minutes for around ten times now and refuse to watch it for an eleventh time before my net is more stable. If you don’t have my trouble, go ahead, click on the link and enjoy half an hour of Punk babbling at his cooold home near Chicago.
Less trouble I had yesterday with the newest edition of Colt Cabana’s podcast “The Art of Wrestling“. Since Colt had a few matches in the past with Dean Ambrose at ROH I always wondered if there ever would be an episode with him. And this week there was. And we now know that Dean Ambrose hasn’t got anything in his home in Vegas except for a king size bed with memory foam (maybe to remember him when he only sleeps there for one or two times a month) and judging by the sounds he made during the chit-chat he still chews tobacco. I find it slightly disgusting because smoking cigarettes wouldn’t sound that bad but chewing tobacco is definitely better for his lungs and that is better doing wrestling. But I’d preferred for him to do it afterwards so I could have enjoyed listening to the podcast more. And again: subscribe to Colt’s podcast. Not this episode alone is worth listening to – all his episodes are fun and full of hilarious wrestling stories (and sexually suggestive jokes).
What else did we have before the weekend? Ah, there, the last Smackdown before the Royal Rumble. And we started this edition off with a promo by Zeb Colter, the old man in the wheelchair (caused by Big Show). So, every time the guy opens his mouth I know I will be seriously pissed off with all his racist Nazi shit – prototype of a heel for me, really. On the other side – actually by his right side – there is Antonio Cesaro, who simply isn’t the kind of heel you are able to hate. Very difficult to listen to Colter and watching Cesaro standing by him at the same time. The Real Americans also had the first match of the evening against Big Show & Rey Mysterio but somehow WWE thought it was a great idea to show the flying Brock Lesnar turkey AGAIN! After Big Show and Rey had won it Paul Heyman came out to praise laurels on Brrrock Lesnarrr and the only thing I could think about was how much money BL has to pay Heyman for that every other week. Certainly BL himself wasn’t in the building.
Next segment was short but – damn it – hilariously funny. When I saw Brodus Clay in the ring followed up by The Mizzz to join him as his opponent I thought to me two things: 1) who the hell is face and heel in this match? 2) this is one horrible set-up. I need to do something else. And then he appeared again: the Evil Pink Floyd Teacher a.k.a Bad News Barrett a.k.a Wade Barrett telling us nothing else but the truth about this match: worst match ever; two horrible opponents et cetera. My brain hurt from laughing! Tomorrow I’ll start a petition for Wade Barrett as full commentator. But it would be nice if we could see him in the ring again as well.
How jobber-like Fandango has to acts these days we had to witness again today with his two matches: first he won within felt thirty seconds over Xavier Woods. Putting on his headphones for the commentary for it by R-Truth took probably longer. And later on he had to loose against Kofi Kingston, who also isn’t very much rated right now. Mid-card at best. And also a very short match.
The Shield promo for the Royal Rumble was up next and can be summarized like that: Street Dog Dean is hungry; Roman Reigns wants to dominate Wrestlemania; Dean & Seth looked at Roman at the end as if they wanted tearing him into little pieces right there:
Credit | @thehoundsofjustice
Something has to happen between these three guys at the Rumble. I mean, cracks, differences and arguments in the past; perfect team work in the last two weeks again; and now, while Dean and Seth talk as and for The Shield, Roman talks only for himself. The break-up at the Rumble is well prepared but somehow I can feel that WWE has different plans again. So the three guys will probably work well together until just a few other Superstars remain, Dean and Seth then will eliminate each other, Roman spears the last remaining contenders and wins the Rumble. I still more think that Punk will win it just because he’s #1 and the odds are bad but the Shield scenario also slightly possible, although I think that Roman Reigns is far from being fit to take one step up the ladder. Dean and Seth would be but unfortunately they don’t fit the WWE stereotype of a big Superstar. ‘Unfortunately’ only for title belts and main events in the future. But they’ll do great anyway.
In his following promo right in the ring Punk announced that he will be the Last Man Standing at the Rumble just for Kane to come out to count the odds on him. Facial expressions by Punk in this part of the segment were ridiculously hilarious (say these two words fast for three times without breaking your tongue!). Then Punk mocked Kane again a bit and assures everyone that he WILL win because he’s the best since day one. Alright, Punk, I am taking you by your word. If you could just eliminate Batista as soon as possible – that only would make worth watching the Rumble. Hey, you could do that accidentally together with Dean Ambrose. THAT would definitely make my day!
We certainly had another promo by Daniel Bryan for the Rumble after Luke Harper & Erick Rowan defeated The Prime Time Players. It’s still uncertain how the state of health of DB is due to his concussion a fortnight ago so I assume that his match versus Bray Wyatt at the Royal Rumble won’t be an epic one. But the main match – apart from the Rumble itself – will be the one of Randy Orton versus Super Cena for the Unification Championship (what is the official name anyway?). And this time the wait for all 7-year-old Cena fans will be over: this time he’ll definitely win these belts taking revenge for his father… yaaawn. It will happen… unfortunately.
But the Main Event match today was a 10-man-tag team match between The Shield & The New Age Outlaws versus The Brotherhood & The Usos & Big E Langston. Another opportunity for Dean Ambrose to carry his U.S. Championship belt around like he doesn’t care and to show off some dance moves. Shield matches at late are like this: Dean takes – Seth flies – Roman spears -OR- Dean & Seth work – Roman takes laurels. But there also was a bit variation into this match, too. And I always watch in awe when the 44-year-old Goldust does moves in the ring that just look great and spectacular. The match was officially ended by disqualification by all three guys of The Shield (side note: second DQ caused by Dean Ambrose already this year) but then a little brawl between all ten opponents broke free. They were then joined by several Superstars from the locker room and as the last one Punk emerged (as the only one introduced with his music). This part of the last segment of Smackdown was almost slapstick-like because Punk reeled off his usual entrance program but in comedy style. Just to join the action as the last one for this pre-Rumble.
Could be a slight hint by the WWE: the last will be the first (like Punk will be) will be the last (man standing). But that’s already too many hints to me to become true. At the end the WWE certainly will make the worst of it. But again: I like surprises and I’ll take them with open arms.