Cesaro beats himself with the Cesaro swing +++ Goldust needs to find himself a new brother +++ Once again Rusev wins way under five minutes +++ Kofi Kingston isn’t even a low carder anymore +++ Wade Barrett promotes the English football / soccer team +++ Stephanie McMahon mentions CM Punk by name +++ Super Cena literally buries Bray Wyatt +++ Alicia Fox slows down within her madness +++ Three separate screens for Shield vs Evolution would have been necessary.

Dean Ambrose_collage

I hate WWE pay-per-views. I really do. Because I really like to write about these wrestling shows. But since I’m working from 8am to 4pm and living in the wrong timezone (CET; WWE shows start at 2am here), it’s quite a stressful period for me. I’ve also got quite some information about RAW and what happened there but I try not to mix it up with this Payback review. My suggestion for WWE on the schedule: what is wrong with broadcasting the PPVs on a Saturday and keeping RAW on Mondays? I know, it’s great for viewing only but for writing with another daily job that’s just terrible. Plus: on my work computer I can’t do what I can do at home on my laptop. So, this will be a fragment again until I’m back home to finish this piece, watching RAW afterwards and write my review on this show after that. At least, that’s the plan for now. But now straight for the happenings of Payback:

Cesaro beats himself with the Cesaro swing

I have to admit that I missed the first minutes of this match. But I may have only missed around fifteen minutes of WWE stuff promotion by Michael Cole. What I indeed have seen from the actual match was alright. And the best part of it was certainly the Cesaro swing at the end that actually worked for Sheamus, not for Cesaro. No King of Swing here, for sure. And because Cesaro suffered a bit too much from his own move, he finally had to take Sheamus’ Brogue Kick for the latter to retain the U.S. title. What a shame.

Goldust needs to find himself a new brother

This was a match I haven’t had on the cards. And the only reason why it happened was to finally split Cody Rhodes from Goldust. When he caused the loss of the brothers against Rybaxel, Cody took the microphone to tell his brother: “Brother, you need a better tag team partner than me.” For a second this thought made his way through my mind that this was the perfect opportunity for CM Punk to come back. At least, Payback happened to be in Chicago. But since Punk witnessed his Blackhawks losing in the final play-off match against L.A. Kings, he obviously wasn’t there. Get it, people, he’s finished with wrestling. And he won’t ever come back. Also Paul Heyman told us so at the very beginning of the show (that I haven’t seen live).

Once again Rusev wins way under five minutes

About this match I once again was very disappointed: the way it was pretty much hyped before made me hope for at least a five-minute-match. The American flag was waved by Big E; the Russian flag was waved by (the Bulgarian!) Rusev (but he now resides from Moscow!). And that was very much the highlight of this match before the match even started. There also wasn’t any heat big for Lana; her mentioning Vladimir Putin at every single occasion is y bit too much recently to create any huge negative reaction from the audience. If this goes on for ages I might be bored as well. On the end of this match after three minutes, Rusev was the winner again with Big E not able to be a real opponent. Next opponent for Rusev: Big Show perhaps? A win within four minutes?

Kofi Kingston isn’t even a low carder anymore

If there was a category for “most stupid WWE segment of the year” this one would have earned itself this Slammy already. First and foremost: Bo Dallas was involved. And I guess that he’ll always talk like a priest on drugs about Boliving in everything and anything – before and after his matches. This time Kofi had to stand this. But the “match” actually lasted for exactly ONE SECOND until Kane came out and caused disqualification with attacking Kofi. Bo Dallas meanwhile was standing outside the ring, probably praying for not to be attacked. At least, I think that there wasn’t any fear for him because as a heel priest he’ll probably join Kane for a very strange tag team. Or Kane will be the advocate of Bo Dallas. Some connection is definitely there already.

Wade Barrett promotes the English football / soccer team

For some reason there were two things about this match that made it into my long term memory. First: these red trunks worn by Wade Barrett with the huge England crest on it were pretty eye-catching, so to speak. Someone should write a fanfiction with Wade kidnapping Sheamus, forcing him to watch England’s first match at the World Cup in Brazil against Italy, and winding him up on Ireland not participating. Second: apparently Winston Churchill is the only English person outside of wrestling, the WWE knows. As for the match itself: these nine minutes were quite good. Wade Barrett is just a great entertaining heel who deserves to be in that position he currently is in. And, yes, Barrett of course retained his title.

Stephanie McMahon mentions CM Punk by name

These people want you to quit like CM Punk did.

These words were my most shocking moment of the evening. Because Stephanie McMahon literally calling CM Punk by name means that WWE finally gave up on him coming back. Nothing new to me. But at least they don’t just ignore him anymore. Could have been a one-night-only thing because that show happened to be in Chicago. But anyway, that surprised me indeed. Not that much that Brie Bella quit to save her husband his belt collection. That was something quite predictable. And Brie Bella slapped Stephanie right into her face. Nice. I have to say that I get really bored about Daniel Bryan not defending his title while basically sitting on his belts. Meanwhile the other “mid card” titles are made pretty important right now. But I guess, that’s what WWE wants the fans to feel like.

Super Cena literally buries Bray Wyatt

This match lasted for like ages. Not literally, of course, because it lasted for exactly 25 minutes. At least, it felt like lasting for ages. Six minutes before the end of it, Harper and Rowan even helped Bray Wyatt just for Super Cena to look even more powerful. Alright, The Usos came out as well, but then it was all Super Cena who brawled Bray Wyatt through the audience and finally buried him into some obstacle that somehow was placed in their way – purely accidental, I assume. Then the referee counted to ten and Super Cena once again saved the universe.

Alicia Fox slows down within her madness

I pretty much had high hopes for this segment. And didn’t really want for Alicia Fox to win over Paige and therefore get the Divas title. But I waited for her bringing real craziness to the mat during the whole match. The whole six minutes, I have to say. And after she had lost, Alicia Fox calmed down pretty quickly. A wasted opportunity for her to beat down JBL or something like that.

Three separate screens for Shield vs Evolution would have been necessary

Dean Ambrose Really, at times there was so much different action outside of the ring that it was impossible to follow it all. Literally have to re-watch thrice to maybe catch all facets of that match. Will probably do when I have the time for it. The match itself lasted for 31 minutes, so that’s pretty much a match for my liking – the longer the better. Before it started there was a review of the history of this feud again of course. And when the bell rang to start the battle all six men went for each other. The three single fights that most of the time were going on were Dean Ambrose vs Randy Orton, Super Reigns vs Batista, and Seth Rollins vs Triple H. This match then wasn’t just a “no holds barred” match, it was also an elimination match. So, every single member of one team needed to be pinned and count out to three inside the ring. “No holds barred” also meant that everything was allowed to use against the opponents. I very much hoped for DA to beat someone with a Kendo stick, but he touched one only once at the post-show, and he only hit sticky air.

Dean Ambrose Around 16 minutes into the match there was a little break, recollection and stuff after Evolution triple powerbombed Super Reigns into a table. But when Evolution were once again mocking The Shield with their hand gesture, Dean Ambrose came over the still intact announcer’s table to hit all three guys to the ground. Some time later Super Reigns had lost his upper body gear and being laid out on some “steel” steps piece to recreate the “Lawrence Of Arabia” beating scene in Deraa all over again. Triple H was pulling his arms while Batista and Orton were beaten him with Kendo sticks. Not at all PG! That’s for sure.

Around four minutes from the finish The Shield had finally gained momentum again and Seth Rollins first eliminated Batista with the help of Super Reigns. Just one minute later Dean Ambrose saved Super Reigns with hitting Orton with a chair and then hit his Dirty Deeds on Orton to eliminate the second guy of Evolution. And finally Reigns eliminated Triple H to win the match for The Shield.

The GIFs were made by cherrypie-yeahh.

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