Paul Heyman promises that Super Cena will be victimized +++ Cesaro has got his swing back +++ The Authority needs a visit to a psychotherapist +++ Paige is still friends with AJ Lee +++ Chris Jericho makes some fun of Stephanie McMahon +++ R-Truth breaks the streak +++ Zeb Colter and Lana in “Fun With Flags” +++ Damien Sandow is Buzz Aldrin (in space) +++ There is no match between Kane and Super Reigns +++ The Ninja of The Authority runs The Walls of Jericho +++ Good Actress vs Bad Actress will face off at Summerslam +++ Dark Match: Dean Ambrose isn’t on promotion tour

Yes, there is indeed Dean Ambrose with shades in the audience.
Yes, there is indeed Dean Ambrose with shades in the audience.

Paul Heyman promises that Super Cena will be victimized
RAW kicked off with Super Cena and I instantly had two hearts beating into my chest: on one hand we didn’t kick off with Triple H talking for felt thirty minutes which is always good; on the other side Super Cena isn’t that much better and the growd apparently reacting to him quite positive didn’t make it better for me. And I just wondered if some people in the audience were handed out tickets for free if they only held up some Cena signs during his entrance and promo inside the ring.

Anyway, what he actually had to say was probably the best I’ve ever heard from him. It’s still miles away from being really enjoyable but him being serious just for once and not this cheap jokes cutting guy who still desperately tries to sell some gimmick only fitting for a teen wrestler, was quite alright and more fitting for an actual 36-year old (by the way: we both are born in 1977 which is kinda embarrassing for me!). Yes, I know, he’s got this “never give up”-gimmick, so him winning most of his matches at the very last second does make some sense in itself. It just isn’t with any surprise. We all know how Cena matches go along, what needs to happen. all. the. time. And what’s wrong about losing some matches but still go on until I win again? THAT’s winning mentality: experiencing losses but still have the guts to go inside the ring to face the very opponent who has already beaten me twice. Winning mentality isn’t winning all the time. And his catchphrase “never give up” doesn’t make any sense if you win all the time anyway.

So, him talking about The Authority which wants to take the belts from him (not only The Authority!) and sending Brock Lesnar after him, was only a lame start. Because he hyped Brock Lesnar as the most feared, most dangerous guy out there but he felt that only himself could beat him. So long, so bad. But then, Paul Heyman appeared and all of a sudden this segment became interesting. Because Paul taught Cena and the audience everything about what is wrong with Cena’s gimmick / character: he promised all of us that Cena at least will be victimized and conquered by Lesnar like The Undertaker at WrestleMania. But Cena conquered Heyman with quite emphatically telling him, that both, Heyman and himself, would have passion for the job and the business but that Lesnar was only there for himself. And at Summerslam he’ll come out the ring with “this son of a bitch” (means the belts).

Cesaro has got his swing back
Cesaro vs Cena Cesaro vs Cena And this was followed by my highlight of the evening, one really good surprise because Cesaro’s music hit, he came out – Heyman’s face in complete disbelief – and then Cesaro quite emphatically hugged Heyman. When Cesaro announced that he was now a Paul Heyman guy, I was hyped as hell. Because I hoped for a big push for Cesaro. The guy was so over with every single audience. People loved his swing and all. But instead it went all down for him from this very moment. Cesaro wasn’t able to talk anymore (and he can talk; he’s actually quite funny: he did several backstage interviews for the German version of RAW and all of them were hilarious), he was even told not to do the Cesaro Swing anymore (what actual sense does make his nickname “The King of Swing” and the t-shirt stating this?), not to mention the ruthless aggression he was shown against severeral of his opponents without any justification or prior provocation. He just didn’t make sense any more. The only sense behind his transformation was that WWE desperately wanted to keep him as heel, so him being over and basically loved by the fans needed to stop. Unfortunately it very well worked.

You can now see the long-term plans WWE had with The Real Americans: first Swagger and Cesaro needed to break up, Cesaro needed to stay heel so Swagger could turn face to go after Rusev – U.S.A. vs Russia: the Cold War relived by WWE. But, what I don’t understand is this: why couldn’t be both guys faces? Just turn Cena finally heel (just for once; just for two or three weeks to see if it works without all children worldwide crying their eyes out) and you can get your Super Cena vs Super Reigns match that I’m sure you would die for! I’m sure, creatives already sweating about the route towards it. So, just do it and we will all aprreciate!

Maybe, Cesaro’s little speech towards Cena was already a little indication that both guys could actually could turn face > heel and vice versa. Because, to me, Cesaro’s promo felt very face-like:

“Hey, even that Paul Heyman and I have decided to go separate ways, I won’t allow you to insult my friend like this. Look at you: you’re not a wrestler! You’re a big muscled-up walking billboard! (…) Where do you get… stay right there! Stay right there. Where do you get those shoes at? Huh? K-mart? You can’t wrestle in sneakers! Oh, that’s right, you just can’t wrestle. How about – don’t say anything – how about I prove that, too, in a match right now?”

Cesaro vs Cena Once again, this “impromptu” match started during the commercial break, so it was already ongoing when we got there again. I’m sure, you can watch the very start of it on the holy WWE App! Without this first snippet, this match lasted for just over twelve minutes and some wrestling fans all over the globe were sure they had already witnessed the best match of 2014. But you actually need for something like this two guys who can wrestle, right? I don’t need to believe what Cesaro was saying; it is my own belief. Cena might try but the reality is that his moves most of the time look enforced. For comparision reasons, just look at the Gif on the left side for this superplex from outside the ring over the top rope and then look at almost the same version from last Friday at SmackDown. Deduct the chairs from Dean Ambrose vs Cesaro, just watch the entire movement and you’ll get an idea about what I mean. There is no body voltage on Cena, whatsoever (except for his ass maybe).

But there was indeed something that was enjoyable for me during this match: Cesaro was able to do his swing again. Maybe it was leaked just before that he was told that he should cancel the move. Maybe WWE were heavily criticized by this demand. However, I hope this is now a step back in the right direction, Cesaro will have more time on the microphone and finally turns face. Sure, he finally had to lose against Super Cena, but it was with a killer Attitude Adjustment from the ropes, so that was okay for me.

The Authority needs a visit to a psychotherapist
Next up was a backstage segment with a visibly still shaking Stephanie with her not so much sympathetic husband Triple H. Maybe, the reason why Dean Ambrose was on a “promotional tour” and not able for being part of this episode of RAW (have a look at the bottom of this review!) was some kind of another punishment for him because he had the guts to give Stephanie some “advice” for her hours in prison. Another reason obviously was to keep him away from Seth Rollins, so The Authority only had to do business on one front – or on two fronts: because Randy Orton joined both of them to complain about Brock Lesnar chosen over him for the title match at Summerslam. He was told to finish off Super Reigns; after that he’d get his title match. But for tonight, Kane would face Reigns. So, Orton should have a bit patience.

Paige is still friends with AJ Lee
The next in-ring promo segment was all about building the AJ Lee vs Paige feud. It didn’t make much sense at the start of it; actually Paige didn’t make much sense. Because she told us that she was still friends with AJ Lee, that she wanted to be like her and so forth. And she only beat her up last weak because this Divas title apparently is some kind of a bewitched item like the ring from Lord of the Rings, so she couldn’t control herself and needed to get back what it was supposed to be hers. My advice: dress them up as Hobbits for their next encounter.

AJ Lee came out quite shortly after Paige and she basically told her to grow up and insult her directly into her face if she’d feel like this. Paige then repeated herself in calling AJ Lee her only friend and if she wouldn’t believe that, she’d be crazy. Woah! The evil C-word! CM Punk chants were heard and I’m not sure whether AJ Lee beat up Paige now because of the chants or because of Paige calling her crazy. Anyway, Paige backed off somehow, still mumbling that she was friends with AJ Lee but already some kind of Smeagol-like glance upon her face.

Chris Jericho makes some fun of Stephanie McMahon
Since this was supposed to be the Day of the Soken Word, another promo happened to take place inside of the ring. Triple H told us at length about all the fears of his wife but all the audience could do was making jokes about her. Experiences during these few hours in jail must have been indeed terrifying because Stephanie didn’t look like her usual annoying / disgusting self. But for some reason, Chris Jericho came out very soon to mock the two of them with some “Bad Boy” sing-sang. But he asked the right questions, especially why Triple H didn’t leave the arena together with Stephanie last week. And he tried to answer himself: because Triple H would have finally realized what he, Jericho, would already know for ten years, that his wife was “a filthy, dirty, brutal, bottom-feeding, cash-bag / trash-bag”. I’m not quite sure about the last one because at this point Jericho was yelled down by Triple H, now getting advices himself to deal with Bray Wyatt and not with his family. So, Jericho indeed wanted Bray Wyatt in a match right now but instead he got the briefcase from Money In The Bank to his head and some minutes to recover for his match against its owner: Seth Rollins. Side note: the briefcase looks really good for the amounts of hits he had already suffered, and all the times Dean Ambrose got his hands on it to play with it.

R-Truth breaks the streak
The next match inside the squared circle was the tag team dream set-up between Miz & Rybaxel against Dolph Ziggler & The Usos. A match made up in heaven. Maybe for someone. Not just for me. Big E, Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods first watched from backstage; after the commercial break they were at ringside to witness a win by the faces after almost ten minutes. Side note: even the always enthusiastic Michael Cole couldn’t concentrate on the match; he even mistook The Miz for Curtis Axel (he is excused because the two of them really look equal!).

And after that R-Truth finally made Bo Dallas losing a match, so we can finally forget this meaningless streak. And Bo Dallas still need to learn how to behave after a loss after just half a minute of a match. Because, of course, he needed to beat up R-Truth afterwards and did his victory lap around the ring. For some seconds, JBL was silent about praising him. But he was searching for excuses.

Zeb Colter and Lana in “Fun With Flags”
Yes, this segment very much reminded me on The Big Band Theory and theses special little videos that Sheldon creates. Actually, “Fun With Flags” in TBBT is indeed fun; here it was all serious or supposed to be. It also wasn’t called “Fun With Flags” because it was all about the American flag. And you just don’t make fun about the American flag. Well, not if you are from the United States. So, Lana obviously could indeed make fun of the flag and she did. So, Zeb Colter had to come out again to teach her some patriotic history lesson. Really, this feud grew into Zeb Colter vs Lana, right? I mean, it’s all what wars are like: there are the leaders who talk bullshit at each other. And then there are the dumb, voiceless masses who actually fight in the end because the leaders couldn’t agree on the winner of the battle of words. So, Swagger and Rusev will have to fight until there is a clear winner and that will obviously Colter in the end. Tonight we only got a brawl between the voiceless masses.

Damien Sandow is Buzz Aldrin (in space)

The phenomenon that is Damien Sandow was up next. And since we were in Houston, Texas, there wasn’t a real question about which character the man had to sport tonight: indeed, Buzz “Small Step / Giant Leap” Aldrin in a full astronaut suit. Sandow talked about searching for life but only found halfwits and then the Exotic Express lead by Adam Rose came out. The “match” lasted for nine seconds with the obvious winner. But Damien Sandow had another new segment that only watchable on the holy WWE App (or on Youtube like you see below!). It’s called “Sandow’s 60” and according to himself he’s got 60 seconds to talk about whatever he likes. We will see in the next episodes if he actually comes around with some controversial stuff. Use the hashtag #Sandow60 to talk about it on Twitter!

There is no match between Kane and Super Reigns
Announced for the next segment was a match between Kane and Super Reigns but Randy Orton attacked Reigns during his entrance. So, the match never started. Reigns somehow got the upper hand against Kane and Orton but finally the two of them beat him down. Then, Kane made his way backstage to leave Orton behind with Reigns. And Orton did a great job there with humiliating and yelling at Reigns. Two RKOs right into the announcers table that finally broke down, finished Reigns and this segment off. Side note: also Randy Orton seems to turn into Smeagol. The ring in this storyline is represented by Cena’s belt collection.

The Ninja of The Authority runs The Walls of Jericho
Dressed up as Mexican juanitas, Layla and Summer Rae helped Diego of Los Matadores to win within just over one minute against Fandango. We have also seen Stephanie begging Nikki Bella to make her sister really come out into the ring later tonight. Stardust & Goldust are still searching for the Cosmic Key (whatever that is). Natalya & Naomi won within almost three minutes against Cameron & Alicia Fox. And then we got the match between Chris Jericho and Seth Rollins. It was a pretty good, highflying match of almost twelve minutes but – again – the Wyatts robbed us from a clear finish when they attacked Chris Jericho. I can’t wait for this feud to be over. It already annoys me.

Good Actress vs Bad Actress will face off at Summerslam
And RAW on television indeed closed with a Divas segment: Stephanie McMahon vs Brie Bella. The promo by Stephanie was actually a great one to hopefully prevent people from romanticizing prison. She opened up on her feelings and yes, we all know that she wasn’t in prison for real, but for all the children in the audience it hopefully hit some button and they took it to their heart that prison is never an option. Anyway, the main reason she was out there was for her pleading to Brie Bella that she should drop all charges against her, so she won’t experience prison again. Brie Bella had some demands but her acting wasn’t the best really. She wanted her job back (well, she quit, right?) and one match at Summerslam against Stephanie. Steph almost cried on that demand, stating that she hasn’t wrestled for around ten years but in the end she showed off that her whining and crying was only a big show (no pun intended!) when she slapped Brie Bella right into her face and yelled at her: “I’m gonna make you my bitch”, whatever that means.

Dark Match: Dean Ambrose isn’t on promotion tour

The Dark Match always is full of some fun and surprises, so for this episode, Dean Ambrose came out because he wasn’t really on a promotional tour to shake hands and kiss babies (spoiler for Main Event tomorrow!). Instead he teamed up with Big Show against Seth Rollins and Bray Wyatt. You can see the last four minutes of this match in the video above. And if it’s removed because of WWE rights, then just click here on Dropbox to watch it there.

Reports on the Dark Match:

Dean Ambrose WWE shirt official Dean Ambrose WWE shirt unofficial And for all you people who have read until now, I’ve got some extra special for you. As you may already know by now: Dean Ambrose has got his first official singles t-shirt by WWE. Initially you can think about it as a very cheap shirt without putting real effort innit, just some scribbled letters and a word that wasn’t very much associated with Dean Ambrose in the recent past. But: I’m a very positive thinking human being and I always like to see the positives behind the cruelest things. So, I gave the shirt a second look and some thoughts and like it now very much. Because: his initials on the back very much look like the anarchy sign. And Dean Ambrose is a hell lot of anarchy! Plus: if you’ve got some Sharpies, you can create your very own shirt from the basic one. I was going for adding these three letters, so you get an UNST OPP ABLE instead of UNSTABLE. Or you can combine these two words like “being unstable makes me unstoppable” or something like this. I personally don’t like white shirts very much. But it’s a Dean Ambrose shirt and since the man likes to wear white shirts and white tank tops, it obviously needed to be white. And I finally like to think that he himself has written these letters that are on the shirt. I bet, he loves it. And I really grew on it because it’s a shirt that makes me very creative.

The Gifs and top picture for this review were brought to you by airrollins / kiia8bitw / prowrestlingnow.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s