It’s a Lumberjack match +++ The Superlatives +++ Damien Sandow is Mr Border Patrol +++ Who is the most sadistic Superstar of WWE? +++ Y2J has got the whole (WWE) universe in his hands +++ The soda stealing continues

“On Monday night RAW, The Authority thought they held all the cards. They thought they had their little “Beat the Clock” challenge in the bag. They thought they have a full proofed plan B but The Authority hasn’t figured out, you can’t plan for Dean Ambrose. And since I outsmarted The Architect, I get to choose the stipulation for my match at SummerSlam… against my friend, my buddy, my pal, my brother, Seth Rollins, I have had all week to think about this and I got a lot of options here. Tell me what you think of them. Alright, I was thinking of maybe “JBL’s cowboy hat on a pole match”, ‘Coal miner’s glove match”; maybe I looked into maybe getting some alligators to surround the ring but the logistics of that just didn’t really work out. We can have a “Sumo wrestling match”, a “boxing match”, we can forgo the whole match altogether and just fight in the parking lot but we already did that. “Good house keeping match”. Oh! We can have a “Loser has to wash Triple H’s car match”, but I’m pretty sure Seth Rollins already does that so, that’s off the table.” --DEAN AMBROSE.
“On Monday night RAW, The Authority thought they held all the cards. They thought they had their little “Beat the Clock” challenge in the bag. They thought they have a full proofed plan B but The Authority hasn’t figured out, you can’t plan for Dean Ambrose. And since I outsmarted The Architect, I get to choose the stipulation for my match at SummerSlam… against my friend, my buddy, my pal, my brother, Seth Rollins, I have had all week to think about this and I got a lot of options here. Tell me what you think of them. Alright, I was thinking of maybe “JBL’s cowboy hat on a pole match”, ‘Coal miner’s glove match”; maybe I looked into maybe getting some alligators to surround the ring but the logistics of that just didn’t really work out. We can have a “Sumo wrestling match”, a “boxing match”, we can forgo the whole match altogether and just fight in the parking lot but we already did that. “Good house keeping match”. Oh! We can have a “Loser has to wash Triple H’s car match”, but I’m pretty sure Seth Rollins already does that so, that’s off the table.” –DEAN AMBROSE.

It’s a Lumberjack match
We started off SmackDown in the best possible way: with a promo by Dean Ambrose inside the ring. When he still wasn’t finished to tell us all possible stipulations he could have chosen for his match with Seth Rollins at SummerSlam, his two-toned frenemy joined the sharp-tongued party but chose wisely to stay on the ramp for their encounter. And since I’ve transcribed their love for each other, I let them talk for themselves now (just notice that the first part you can already read in the caption to the collage above; bold are segments by Dean Ambrose; grey words are spoken by Seth Rollins):

Dean Ambrose “Oh, come on, Ambrose, cut the crap. When we were in The Shield… -[You-Sold-Out-chants]-… you know, when we were in The Shield, everyone knows that you are the unstable one and I was the brain of the operation. But after your antics on Monday night, as much as it pains me, I have to give you a little bit of credit. That was pretty clever. But it’s been a long week. So, let’s cut to the chase, alright? I heard all your little cock-a-maimy stipulations out there. I know you know what you wanna do, so name your stipulation already and let’s be done with it. Come on!”


“Oh, hold on. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you, Mr Money In the Bank. Hey, this briefcase is looking a little rough today. You may wanna take that for a good detailing. You know, maybe giving it a little buff and shine or something like that?”


Dean Ambrose “Shut up! D’you know what your problem is, Ambrose? And it’s been this way the entire time. You like to think with your heart and not your head. And I get it, that’s courageous, alright? People appreciate that. But you know what? That’s only going to get you so far. And it sure is hell not gonna beat me at SummerSlam. If you use your head half as much as you use your heart, you’ll be able to figure out that it really doesn’t matter, what stipulation you put on this match because SummerSlam is the end for you.”


“Is that what the people are gonna get, Seth?”


“I guarantee that SummerSlam will be the end for you and the entire world will be able to watch it – live on the WWE Network for the low, low price of 9.99.”


“Is that what they’re gonna get? Or they’re gonna pay 9.99 to see you get me kicked out of the building again. Or they’re gonna pay 9.99 to see you drive away in a car. And do they’re gonna pay to see you run? No. No, not this time. This time, they’re gonna get something worth a whole hell a lot more than 9.99. They’re gonna get Seth Rollins stuck in the middle of this ring with nowhere to run because if he’ll try to run, he’ll gonna run into a wall of bodies, the same bodies, we built our reputation on, the bodies we used to stack one on top of the other. We’ve made a lot of enemies together, Seth! And those enemies are gonna make sure that ain’t nobody running from this. Those enemies are gonna make sure that we tear each other apart at SummerSlam, Seth, I promise, we will tear each other apart. Now, if you’re old-school like me, you could call this match at SummerSlam a Lumberjack match. We got a human cage, you can call it… Oh, you can call it whatever you want but I call it the end of the line for Seth Rollins. I swear to God, I promise, SummerSlam, August 17th is the day, Mr Money In the Bank goes broke.”


Dean Ambrose “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere and you know why? Because, you know what? No matter what happens at SummerSlam, I still have this. And whether you or anybody here likes it or not, that makes me the future of this company. And you know what? Speaking of futures, let’s talk about your future here tonight, Dean Ambrose. So, you had the option to choose the stipulation for our match at SummerSlam, but The Authority has granted me the option to choose your opponent for tonight on SmackDown. And since I know, that you’re always in for a good fight, I picked someone who is so cold, and so merciless that he was capable of this. -[replay]- Your opponent for tonight is the viper, Randy Orton.”

So, we will get a Lumberjack match at SummerSlam which means that there will be probably the whole roster of WWE wrestlers to surround the ring for the very match. Since the spoilers came out on last Tuesday, most of WWE resp. Dean Ambrose fans weren’t very impressed with this stipulation. They were probably disappointed that it wouldn’t be a cage match. But, come on, guys, there is Hell In A Cell still to come, so did you expect that both men would get two cage fights? Something won’t go to plan at SummerSlam for sure, so it won’t be a clear win for neither. Most certainly the lumberjacks will interfere at the end, maybe beat up both, so disqualification will be caused. And the feud continues.

The Superlatives
Since I’m writing this on the Tuesday after RAW, I have to leave it short for once with the rest of this episode. So, the first match of the nnight was a tag team match between Rybaxel and Mark Henry & Big Show. Both big men were rarely seen recently, mostly because of injuries. And now they were made to form one of the biggest tag teams ever. Superlatives by Michael Cole and JBL were thrown at us for the whole segment. Most of the ring work Mark Henry had to do while Big Show picked up the laurels in the end with the win. And Rybaxel were mocking the two big guys constantly throughout the match. It only lasted for 3:28 minutes but received a huge pop for Mark Henry & Big Show.

Then, we got to see Dolph Ziggler backstage trying to impress the ladies (and Adam Rose) with mocking Seth Rollins who was seen on a screen in a replay from last RAW. Sure, the man had to appear out of nowhere to challenge Dolph Ziggler for a match. And that was about to happen later that night.

Damien Sandow is Mr Border Patrol
Damien Sandow was a borrowed man in this episode of SmackDown because he got Zeb Colter’s Nazi gimmick and Erick Rowan’s olive green coloured jumpsuit. Maybe he also borrowed one of Dean Ambrose’s sunglasses. But somehow he still was his very own funny Damien Sandow. This time, Mr Border Patrol (since SmackDown was airing from Laredo, Texas, near the Mexican border) was bashing against the Mexican Sin Cara who was already inside the ring and wanted to send everyone in the arena back over the Rio Grande. The match between Mr Border Patrol and Sin Cara lasted for almost two minutes (probably a record for Damien Sandow in this ridiculous gimmick) but still, Damien Sandow lost, of course, and Sin Cara was allowed to stay in the United States as well as everyone else inside the arena.

Side note: the next segment was this little snippet of promo hype for Super Cena vs Brrrock Lesnarrr that I have witnessed now for the fourth time (side note 2: “witnessed” doesn’t mean I have watched it, of course!).

Who is the most sadistic Superstar of WWE?
The next match was the already announced one between Dolph Ziggler and Seth Rollins. It lasted for 10:43 minutes and it was a quite even match with Seth Rollins managed to hit his Curb Stomp on Ziggler at the end to get the win. Good omen for Seth Rollins for his match against Dean Ambrose; bad omen for Dolph Ziggler for his match against Mizzz.

Then, we got a backstage interview with Randy Orton. Of course, the interviewer asked Orton about his encounter with Dean Ambrose in the main event match later tonight. So, Orton suggested that this match could also have been called “Mr Unstable vs Mr Uncontrollable” but really this would be a competition which one is the most sadistic superstar of WWE. Of cource, Orton did claim this title for himself.

Y2J has got the whole (WWE) universe in his hands
Up next were two short matches of together not even five minutes: Paige won against Natalya (with a lot of skipping in between), and Rusev won against Big E via tap out without any sign of Jack Swagger or Zeb Colter. Side note: what about this black triumvirate of Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods? Big E is back as being a victim to Rusev while Woods is back at NXT. And I haven’t seen Kofi for some WWE shows now. This black triumvirate is dead now, I guess.

And the last segment before the main event was Chris Jericho talking to Tom Phillips backstage about his match against Bray Wyatt at SummerSlam. He still wants to get crazy and while Bray Wyatt claims that he would have the whole world in his hands, Y2J was sure that he would have the WWE universe in his hands. So, it will be the world against the universe at SummerSlam. Should be one massive battle. And after that we got a RAW Rewind with the contract signing of Stephanie McMahon and Brie Bella – like on Superstars.

The soda stealing continues
Dean Ambrose Like the picture on the left side might suggest, Randy Orton was all about trying to rip off Dean Ambrose’s shirt. Really, for the whole length of the match he pulled and tugged on the shirt but it was of great quality, so only one shoulder strap was ripped at the end of the match. Of course, Orton’s main concern was the left shoulder of Dean Ambrose (it might be already a chronic desease by now) but Dean Ambrose hits back soon. And the first part of this match finished with him screaming “Who’s the man now?” after he went over the top rope outside of the ring to knock down Randy Orton temporary.

Dean Ambrose There were also some great reminiscences to Dean Ambrose’s first match against William Regal, when Randy Orton worked on the left arm of Dean Ambrose and the latter laughed at this treatment, advising Orton to step up his game, to put even more pressure to it. For once, I also liked some comment by JBL, who noticed that “no matter what you do, he just keeps going. He’s like this stupid little Energizer bunny.” He really hates every bunny, right? But the Energizer bunny was indeed annoying. With some action outside the ring, Dean Ambrose’s shoulder strap was ripped but some countering each other’s signature moves inside the ring later, Dean Ambrose got the upper hand, announced Dirty Deeds, got Randy Orton in position for his finisher but that was the moment when Seth Rollins appeared next to the ring. Dean Ambrose shoves him away, then had to counter an RKO and finally could hit Dirty Deeds on Orton. But the referee only managed to count to two, when Seth Rollins causes disqualification in pulling Dean Ambrose outside the ring on his leg.

Of course, Dean Ambrose now had to supper a bit of beating by Seth Rollins including steel steps and the barricade. He still got the upper hand temporary and was only put to the mat again by Randy Orton and his RKO. And while Dean Ambrose lay on the ground, Seth Rollins went outside the rinng, steals himself a can of soda and did basically the same to Dean Ambrose that he did to his briefcase: spilling the soda into Dean Ambrose’s face. And right in the last second of airtime, Seth Rollins ripped the shirt of Dean Ambrose completely.



The Gifs for this review were made by jonathangood / 0852192821.

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