Damien Sandow and The Miz declare love for each other +++ Cesaro loses another title ma… oh, ffs, stop it +++ Using the Yes! Lock was instantly punished +++ And now send The Ascension, please! +++ Cena needs to learn to stay down after being hit for like fifty times by a so-called ‘finisher’ +++ I nearly died laughing +++ And I like Rusev even more +++ Surprise, surprise +++ Homages and reminiscences but still very original stuff
Damien Sandow and The Miz declare love for each other
I still can’t believe that I’ve watched the whole hour of the pre-show of Hell In A Cell. At least we got Mizdow TV with Damien Sandow as the host and his special guest The Miz. That meant that Damien Sandow not only had to ask the questions; he also had to mimic everything that The Miz did. So, although I can’t remember much what they were talking about – Miz’s match of course – I do remember their love declaration for each other before Sheamus interrupted from the titantron. Damien Sandow acted that sarcastic that I thought something would happen between them later on. But that wasn’t the case.
We also had a mini match of around one minute between Mark Henry and Bo Dallas. Since we were in Dallas, Texas, Bo Dallas felt humiliated and changed his name to Bo Washington. He also lost for the first time in five matches against Mark Henry. So, technically he could say that Bo Dallas was still unbeaten against Mark Henry.
Cesaro loses another title ma… oh, ffs, stop it
Really, I’m quite bored about how Cesaro is used. Because he’s used worse than a jobber actually. A jobber knows that he will never fight for a title. He knows that he’s only there for the amusement or to be a punchbag to the important guys. But Cesaro has actual title matches almost on a weekly basis. And he loses all of them recently. The man deserves much more and if you can’t see his potential, you are blind. Yes, I’m not amused that he just lost another title match even that the match itself was pretty good and lasted for a decent twelve minutes. But have you really seen a bad Cesaro match? The man gives his all, he’s entertaining but he still keeps losing title matches. He tried to change his look into something more heelish, I guess, with the bald shaved head. But that won’t help him as long as Vince McMahon has something to say, I’m afraid. So, there we are, Dolph Ziggler is still the Intercontinental Champion and he will do so until Wade Barrett returns.
Using the Yes! Lock was instantly punished
Before we got the next match, we had a backstage segment with Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Kane. Randy Orton came by to once again complain about Seth Rollins. And he told his Authority parents and uncle that he would deal with Seth Rollins if The Authority don’t.
So, the next match was about who would be the slave for a month: Nikki Bella or her twin Brie Bella? They got seven minutes for their battle but I didn’t see anything exciting. I could say that I miss the times when there were real women in wrestling, you know women who aren’t just skin and bone and without pimped boobs, women who can actually wrestle. I said “I could say that” because it’s only in WWE where these 1950s stereotypes still exist. I have seen woman’s wrestling from Japan or TNA: THIS is woman’s wrestling, not this screaming and yelling and biting and hair throwing we get in WWE. Woman’s wrestling in WWE basically is Total Divas and the most what happens inside the ring is just a joke and embarrassing for all wrestling women who take their profession seriously. So, in this match Nikki Bella won and Brie Bella has to be her slave. I couldn’t care less.
And now send The Ascension, please!
At least, Goldust & Stardust won this match within around ten minutes. So, they are still the tag team champions. But now WWE have to do something with the tag team division. Damien Sandow & The Miz could form a team but Damien Sandow needs to get rid of his current gimmick. As funny as it is; it’s nothing else but funny. You can’t go any further with it unless you want to make a joke of Damien Sandow and The Miz as well. I hope The Ascension will join the WWE roster as well as The Vaudevillains. One of them has to be introduced as faces. Because in the current roster there isn’t much competition, and I don’t want to see another match between Goldust & Stardust and The Usos for this title.
Cena needs to learn to stay down after being hit for like fifty times by a so-called ‘finisher’
When you think about then it wasn’t surprising that Randy Orton vs John Cena was placed around the middle of the show. It was also a Hell In A Cell match, so both of them at the end wouldn’t have been great for watching. And with both of them having their match now consequently meant that Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins would be the real main event. And rightly so. What I didn’t like about Randy Orton vs John Cena beside the fact that it actually took place was the length of this match: almost half an hour of what we have already seen for a hundred times. Yeah, they used tables and chairs but it wasn’t really exciting. It was even terrible to watch how John Cena survived a hundred of Randy Orton finishers. WWE don’t seem to understand that making John Cena even more inhuman doesn’t make him people like him but be bored about him. I really had hope that WWE would go for Brock Lesnar vs Randy Orton, part I but instead they went for Brock Lesnar vs John Cena, part III. I won’t watch it this time, that’s for sure.
I nearly died laughing
The aftermath of The Miz vs Sheamus helped a bit not to be completely dissatisfied with the outcome. Because Sheamus retained the United States Championship in a match of around eight minutes. Once again I couldn’t really pay attention to the in-ring action because Damien Sandow is just too distracting with his own action at ringside. As much as I like it but not really fitting for an actual title match in my opinion. But after Sheamus retained the belt, Damien Sandow’s mimicking was great. Sheamus was mocking The Miz in using him as some kind of a puppet and Damien Sandow had to imitate all of these movements. Really, I almost died laughing when Damien Sandow acted his way through the last minutes of this segment.
But my mood changed instantly when we went to the parking lot to see Brie Bella fulfilling her first task as Nikki’s slave. It ended with Nikki wasting a smoothie over Brie’s head. And I’m afraid that we will see something like that for a whole month now. Without me.
And I like Rusev even more
We then got the match between Rusev and Big Show and this was actually one of the three matches I guessed right. Like I said, I’m not really good at predictions and that’s also why I’m always quite dissatisfied with any Pay-Per-View. But this one wasn’t hard to guess. There was no way that Big Show would win against Rusev. Quite the opposite: Rusev showed an impressive suplex against the big man and after around eight minutes he got the win with the Accolade. I didn’t really get why Mark Henry came out and didn’t turn on Big Show. That only happened at the coming RAW. So, there wasn’t any need for him to come out despite showing some arguing with Big Show maybe.
After this match we got a backstage promo by Dean Ambrose to hype his match against Seth Rollins even more. And this one you have probably already read at the beginning of this review.
And then we got the match between AJ Lee and Paige for the Divas Championship. This also lasted for seven minutes and it had the not surprising outcome: AJ Lee retained her title. Also not very surprising that Paige let out her frustrations on Alicia Fox who was on ringside. The WWE should make the Divas title vacant as long as they don’t have a competitive Divas roster or the ideas for actual good storylines.
Homages and reminiscences but still very original stuff
Now, this was the match not only I wanted to see for months and it had the perfect surrounding. But WWE was still able to screw up the finish. But I’d like to start from the beginning for this very match.
Already in the first few minutes this segment was more entertaining than the whole other Hell In A Cell match. Because Dean Ambrose came out with a Kendo stick in a holster hanging on his back. He made it into the ring, threw a few tables and tools inside of it. But then decided to play Spiderman and climb up the cage to stand tall on top of it to hype the masses. I’m quite bored about some smarks out there telling us all what we have already seen in the wrestling past. Yes, people have already started a cage match on top of the cage. And people fell from cages before (I have really read from people moaning about Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins didn’t jump from the very top of it – you all know that the cage Mick Foley fell from was only about half the height, do you?). We even already got to see a similar interference at the end. But you know what? Moaning about something because it was already done is stupid. You can moan about something that’s done wrong or a stupid storyline or female wrestlers only seen as eye candy. Moan about that, please! And be glad about the fact that no serious injury happened in this match.
Dean Ambrose now waited for his opponent Seth Rollins, and when he came out with his bodyguard (or ‘security’ like he calls it) he was instantly not amused like you could imagine. He started to climb the cell but then demanded from Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury to climb up instead and get Dean Ambrose down. They did but Dean Ambrose used his Kendo stick, so Seth Rollins had to climb up as well. Somehow they started brawling on top of the cell and with the help of Noble & Mercury, Seth Rollins finally got the upper hand. He then even wanted to throw Dean Ambrose off the cell but Dean Ambrose could fight back against the cruiser weight division and then followed Seth Rollins in climbing down on the cell again. Around halfway he got his hands on him again and after a headbutt both men fell onto the announcers tables to crash them simultaneously.
After this I once again couldn’t really guess if everything was okay and both would continue or if someone was injured for real. So, Dean Ambrose looked quite calm but didn’t move for a while and Seth Rollins looked like he landed a bit awkward. When I re-watch something like that I always pay extra attention to the little gestures of assurance that everything is okay and Plan A is still intact like hand squeezing or eye contact but when you watch it for the first time you usually aren’t able to notice.
So, the first moment of realization that everything went to plan was when Dean Ambrose finally jumped off the stretcher to go after Seth Rollins on his to beat him into the cell for the match finally to start. From there on is was basically Dean Ambrose dominating Seth Rollins. He also got some shots but first and foremost Dean Ambrose got his revenge for Seth Rollins’ betrayal.
I think this was the whole idea behind the screwed finish to this match and the Pay-Per-View. Make Dean Ambrose look as strong as possible but don’t make Seth Rollins lose. I still don’t understand what’s the difference between looking like a loser during a match and win by cheating / interference of others and looking like a loser during a match and losing to your actual opponent. Both of these scenarios are still lost matches in my opinion but bringing in logic usually isn’t the best idea with WWE and wrestling in general.
But now that Dean Ambrose still couldn’t get his clean win against Seth Rollins, this feud is still somehow ongoing. Seth Rollins also still needs to cash in his Money In The Bank contract. So, Dean Ambrose has got two reasons to attack Seth Rollins every once and again. I only hope that Roman Reigns won’t get a straight clean win against Seth Rollins when he’s coming back. But I probably won’t see it anyway. So, do what you want with the new John Cena, WWE.
But to finalize this review I still have to write about this finish. Dean Ambrose was about to get complete revenge when he placed two cinder blocks into the ring and Seth Rollins’s head on top of it. He was about to curb stomp him into these blocks when lights went out in the whole arena and Bray Wyatt was heard saying something backwards. I couldn’t understand because I’m too lazy right now to find an app or something like that to be able listening videos backwards. But I guess it was some catchphrase of the Wyatts. When lights went on again, it was only a lantern inside of the ring, a bit of smoke coming from it plus a hologram inside of this smoke. And then Bray Wyatt attacked Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins made it on top of Dean Ambrose to steal the win and finally Bray Wyatt hit Sister Abigail on Dean Ambrose to start the new feud.
I can’t say that I’m overly excited about it. Because Bray Wyatt seems to be completely separated from Luke Harper and Erick Rowan now. I was hoping for Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper matches but these don’t seem to be possible now. Most wrestling fans are excited and maybe Bray Wyatt can be good again like he was before his feuds with John Cena and Chris Jericho. But maybe he just doesn’t work as a singles competitor but only as the patriarch of his family. My only hope is that this feud won’t destroy Dean Ambrose’s momentum and that he isn’t transformed into a complete fool by WWE creatives, only because Vince McMahon can’t see any star potential in him.